TRY : Mee Pok Man

You've only been away for 5 days and already its starting....

You just can't concentrate anymore on menus that offer 8-ounce burgers with home fries, macaroni and cheese, corned beef hash and flapjacks...your eyes glaze over as sandwiches and salads merge into a meaningless, shapeless glomp of green lettuce. The little nagging sensation deep down in your belly has given way to steady desperation...your taste buds are giving up, your appetite has left the building, suddenly you can't think about anything else except.....chili....CHILI!!!!!

Let's face it. We've all been there. You can take the Singaporean out of Asia, but you can't take Asia out of the Singaporean. Red cut, green cut, with soya souce, without soya sauce, flakes, powder, sambal belachan, assam pedas, those scary hot small Thai ones, the sweet one just for chicken rice...we just can't live without chili. And obviously by the same token, without what us Singaporeans fondly refer to as 'local' food*.

Thankfully, New York is one city where you won't need those just-in-case packets of Maggi mee and chili powder you put in your suitcase. This true melting pot has everything, you name it. Ok, maybe not EVERY thing, I still can't find decent popiah, char kway teow (not penang style), and chili crab...but let's not dwell on what I haven't been able to find, and concentrate on what I (and my other kaki* here) have found instead:

Fishball mee/mee pok - New Chao Chow (Mott St between Hester and Canal Sts). Ask for the fishball noodles, and they understand 'dry' if you want it dry. They have thin noodles as well as the more wavy mee pok type. Add the red chili sauce and the green cut chilis and its all pretty authentic.

Xia Long Pau - New Green Bo (Bayard St between Elizabeth and Mott Sts). Shanghainese style dumplings that are just bursting with juicy pork or crab filling - served with vinegar and ginger.

Prata/Roti Canai - This is generally quite yummy in most of the Malaysian restaurants around the city, but we like Singapore Cafe (69 Mott St) and New Malaysia Cafe (48 Bowery). The chicken curry that comes with is pretty good too.

All-round good 'local' food - Check out Penang in Soho, (Spring St between Greene and Mercer Sts). Their roti canai is good, as is their mee goreng (indian style), penang char kway teow and nasi lemak. And you have to order their peanut pancake for dessert - this is basically prata with a peanut paste in the middle, lightly fried. DELICIOUS! Why don't they have this back home? Introduce yourself to Ban the owner (a real Penang boy) to make sure the cooks don't tone down the chili (as they generally do for the Western palate). Belachan is also available here if you ask nicely.

Spicy Szechuan - Grand Sichuan, (St Marks Place, East Village)
Great handmade noodles with minced meat, very good fish dishes too. Everything is pretty spicy, which we like. And surprisingly cheap too.

* 'local' = typically Singaporean; 'kaki' = group of good friends (also means 'leg' in Malay)

TIP : yo b**ch make me a sandwich!

My best friend Pam and her boyfriend Terry came to visit me recently. Both had been to NY before, but this time I wanted them to get under the skin of the city, see what it was really like to live here minus the Empire State building, the Statue of Liberty and the broadway shows. So I made them a form to fill out, with tasks to complete and some 'games' to play. I called it 'New York Navigation for the Non-Tourist'.

Here's an example of a task:

"Buy a sandwich at a deli – must do this at lunchtime and preferably in mid-town (ie 30s-50s streets) [Tip: good luck if you don’t know what you want…] Describe your experience here -..."

So one afternoon, Pam and Terry go to some deli (for those who've never been to NY, delis are typically places to get a quick lunch - choose-your-own filling sandwiches, coffee, munchies, cigs, etc. They're also places that have a million people at lunch time). So Pam and Terry go to a random deli in mid-town (guaranteed lots of business-y people in a hurry) to grab a bite. Bearing in mind the tip I gave them (how helpful am I?) Pam goes up to one of several counters to see what she wants in her sandwich. Trouble is, there are a million things you can put in your sandwich. There's also a queue and...well, you'd better know exactly what you want if you're in it..or you'll be told to STEP ASIDE. Loudly. By the server AND by everyone else around you.

Before she can blink, Pam's number is up - the server is yelling 'NEEXXXTTTT??' right in her face. Not knowing what the hell to have (egg, cheese, ham, pastrami, mushrooms, daffodils, whatever) Pam takes the plunge, points at something that could be tuna, turkey or boiled brain, and politely asks what it is. The server's reply - .."sjhiairefncbrbvt". At this point there is already a low rumble growing in the queue and she can feel the impatience swelling like a giant thought-bubble behind her...a bubble about to burst in her face...

So she panics, shouts "OK, I'LL TAKE IT!" and dashes forward, praying that it was actually tuna that she ordered and not mashed armpit scrapings. Meanwhile Terry who's right behind her is freaking out and yelling, "Whadjyouget? Pam? Is it seafood? WHADJYOUGET?? Hah? Seafood?? WHAT? Help! Oh no, its my turn, SHIT!!.." (note: Terry is severely allergic to shellfish)

Pam, who at this point is only interested in paying up and getting out as fast as she can, yells back sympathetically "I donno!! I really donno!!DAMN STRESS MAN!! FEND FOR YOURSELF!!"

Thankfully, this story has a happy ending.

The sjhiairefncbrbvt turned out to be chicken for both of them and hours of rolling around laughing my ass off for me.

Leighzy Pages Tip of the Day: if you go to a New York deli at lunch time know what you want in advance. There is no time, I repeat, no time to hem and haw over the egg mayonnaise versus the turkey breast with pickles. don say i never tell you ah.

*for Americans: Queue=Line