Things to Do When You're Bored...

Try To Get Your Friend's Dog Laid

Here's an ad a friend of mine recently posted on Craigslist: (warning: despite only the best intentions, his ad was soon flagged as 'suspicious'. Not sure why.)

Cute Un-Neutered Dog Needs Some - Serious Replies Only
This is NOT a breeding post. My friend has a very handsome un-neutered dog named Pico. Pico has never in his life (3 years) had sex. We (and Pico agrees) feel very strongly that this is unacceptable. Do you, or anyone you know, have a female dog who might be available to meet him at least once,if not more, so that Pico can experience nature's great gift? Serious replies only please.

And here is a sampling of the serious thought and discussion that went into crafting the ad to make it as enticing as possible:

"i think you should mention that pico is a "healthy"dog"
"also, maybe no photo on the website, so pico can have some sort of privacy (so not everybody in the world will know that he's the one that wants to have sex). but maybe you could describe him (what is he? a CBGB?) and then send a photo to anybody who actually replies and is interested."
"and i still think you might want to consider the issue of what happens when the female dog gets pregnant? are you offering to help out with puppy care? or are there doggy prophylactics you can provide?"

"...i can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something dirrty about this."

Women, Let's Stick Some Knives in Our Own Backs Shall We?

Just last week, this pretty outrageous article appeared in the Straits Times (Singapore's main daily), written by a young female journalist who clearly lives a rather sheltered life.

Her piece, titled almost flippantly, "I Can Quit if I Want To: Can You?" essentially argued that even though women, herself included, went on and on about how unfair it is that women still get paid less than men for doing the same work, they shouldn't complain. Because ultimately, if things got too hard at the workplace, women, unlike men could just..QUIT..and pursue their dreams. Poor men, she argued, couldn't, and so perhaps they deserved the bigger bank accounts and paychecks after all.

Thanks. All we need is another hollow justification for wage gaps and glass ceilings for women. Yet another knife in the back for women, from another woman.

Anyway, I was seething, and so wrote a scathing response to the newspaper. They actually printed it, although it's so watered down I'm not sure it's worth it.

For what it's worth, here is my response, the un-edited version.
____________________________________________________________________________________
I refer to the article by Tee Hun Ching in Life!, dated 4/9/06, titled “I Can Quit if I want to. Can you?”

It was disappointing and ironic to read that despite Ms Tee’s indignation at her new male colleagues already nipping at her heels in salary terms, she simultaneously attempts to justify glass ceilings and wage gaps for women. In her opinion, while women may ‘carp about wage gaps and glass ceilings’, and life may seem unfair, when the going gets tough, women, unlike men, can just throw in the towel – a good reason therefore that men’s bank accounts should be better fed since they do not appear to have that same option.

With all due respect to Ms Tee, her argument contains assumptions that are naïve at best, and disparaging to both women and men at worst.

First, the suggestion that women should earn less because, unlike men, they can choose to work or not, is simply preposterous. Women do not have it as easy as Ms Tee’s article seems to suggest - free to pursue their dreams as and when they wish, while poor men must prioritise earning a living, leaving their dreams to sputter by the wayside.

Millions of women around the world, and including in Singapore, struggle everyday to make ends meet to support their families. Ask your question to the single mother struggling to ensure her children can go to school, or the young woman supporting her elderly parents, or the mother who must return to fulltime employment immediately after her baby is born because one income in her household just isn’t enough to get by? Or how about the scores of women migrant workers toiling in foreign countries to send money home to support large extended families? Your question insults all these women, for whom opting out of the workforce simply because things are not going well is not only unthinkable but often also a matter of life or death for the people who depend on them.

And ask them if gender wage gaps shouldn’t matter, if women should earn less than men despite performing the same work? The obvious answer – no – is contradicted by the reality of the situation, and those affected are too often powerless to do anything about it. Women with high-paying jobs and affluent lifestyles at least have the luxury of debating this issue without having to tighten their belts. For many others, the majority I would argue, wage discrimination adversely affects their daily lives.

Second, the idea that men must toil because they have to, while women do so only if they want to, diminishes the crucial contributions that women make to the social, economic and political life of societies, nations, countries. Suggesting that women participate only because they feel like it undervalues the scale and power of their involvement in the labour market. Further, suggesting that women work only because they want to also presupposes that, personal resources aside, they have someone around, maybe a parent or more likely a spouse, to foot the bill. If we women should be so lucky. And frankly, why should we? Last time I checked, we were in 2006 not 1955. We have moved on from the archaic notion of man as the sole provider. Thankfully, modern families increasingly function as partnerships between men and women, where caring and providing for the family are seen as shared responsibilities rather than prescribed duties of one or the other based on stereotyped notions of gender roles. The family decision-making that may allow or necessitate a woman to stop working or switch to part-time work should also apply to her spouse.

Third, it is my view that a man is no less capable of running a household and caring for children than a woman. If society continues to brand men who choose to stop working to stay at home with the kids unambitious, irresponsible wimps, then I applaud all the men who have the strength of character to challenge this stereotype. Caring for the family is not a job relegated only to the weak while the powerful are the ones out earning the bucks.

Finally, much progress has been made in the last 5 decades in moving towards gender equality. It is views like Ms Tee’s however, that sadly, have a regressive effect. Equal pay for equal work is recognized as a basic right of citizens in modern, democratic nations, regardless of their gender, race, religion or political affiliation. And yet, worldwide, as is rightly pointed out, women continue, on average, to earn a third less than men for performing the same work.

We need to stop pretending and acknowledge discrimination for what it is – by any other name, it would smell as bad. No woman chooses or deserves to earn less than a man for performing the same work. And no woman chooses or deserves to hit a glass ceiling in her career just because of her gender. The choices that we make are dependent on resources, abilities, capacities, timing and opportunities, and not on whether we are male or female. A merit-based society such as Singapore must uphold the principle of equal pay for equal work – to do any less would be to discount the value of half its citizenry.

THE END.

NY Metropolitan Diary: Guest Post by George Joseph

Just the other day on the subway home...

As usual, everyone had that stern "I just want to get home" face.

Then this guy enters, thumping the floor with a metal container. Bemused looks shoot across most faces - "not another panhandler, and what's his shtick?"

With some fuss, the guy sets himself up in the middle. He turns out to be a magician. Yeah - another magician.

He prods a guy by the door to take his wand to make sure that his little box is empty. He closes the box, and then reopens it and pulls out a brown fuzzy thing which he then throws at a young woman, who screams but quickly realizes that its an inanimate object and starts laughing.

By now, all us passengers have started to relax and smiles have slowly crept onto our faces.

Then he blows a bubble, grabs it and opens his hand to reveal a glass ball. Necks are already craning at this point. The magician is working through his routine with minimum verbal communication, and still at the same time manages to convey humor. He next puts a cloth in his box, puts it by someone's legs and pulls out women's underwear. The whole car breaks into laughter.

Alas the train pulls into my stop and I have to get off. I reluctantly leave with a smile plastered on my face just as it is on everyone else's.

Has anyone else seen this guy? It was on the no. 2/3.

Note: George Joseph, film buff, foodie, and er...actuary, is generally a rather discerning and, as he puts it, somewhat jaded individual. For this subway magician to prompt a blog post, and a smile on his face suggests that the routine was pretty damn good.

TIP: The Best Thing I Ever Learned...

from a guy I used to date - how to get the lid off a jar. I consider this one of the single most useful things I've ever been taught.

So, in the spirit of sharing: Simply stick a knife under any tightly-fitted lid of a jar. You'll hear a soft 'pop', and you're good to go. No need to jiggle or scrape underneath, no more sprained wrists or knocking on the neighbour's door for help (and pity). And no more opportunities for the man of the house to show off his 'guns'.

I've since used this trick to make friends and influence people, performing at numerous parties and to large crowds. Try it.

If You're Planning to be in Singapore...24 Mar - 2 Apr 2006

The powerful story of a nun who suspects a priest of abusing a child....

John Patrick Shanley's Doubt, currently playing on Broadway, winner of the Pulitzer and the Tony, is set to have its Asian premiere in Singapore on March 24th!

Critics are calling it...

"A breathtaking work of immense proportion."- Entertainment Weekly
"A gripping mystery! Eloquent and provocative!"- Timeout New York
"The richest piece of theatre we've had in years!"- New York Daily News
"The #1 Show of the Year! Potent! Passionate, exquisite, engrossing..."- Newsday
"An experience to last you a lifetime!"- New York Magazine

See it for yourself!

Details:
24 Mar - 2 Apr 2006 at Jubilee Hall, Raffles Hotel, 8pm daily plus 3pm on Sat & Sun
Phone Bookings: +65 62962929
Online Bookings: www.ticketcharge.com.sg

The Asian Premiere of Doubt is brought to you by ACTION theatre, and stars MY BEST FRIEND PAMELA OEI (nun in the middle)!!!!!!!!

It's February 2nd!!!

SO WHAT?

I know..bloody typical, average, cold winter day in February, right?

Not if you live in North America! Today is Groundhog Day, when groundhogs come out of their little holes to see if they can spot their shadows, and if they can, well, back into their holes they go for another 6 weeks of dreary winter. But if they can't, it means that Spring is coming early!!!

Ok, but this isn't something all groundhogs do apparently. You have to be special. And that means that you're Punxsutawney Phil (above) from Pennsylvania, widely regarded at the ONE AND ONLY ORIGINAL weather predicter, or his challengers Staten Island Chuck from New York, Wiarton Willy from Ontario, and Shubenacadie Sam from Nova Scotia.

This year apparently everyone feels that Spring is coming early, EXCEPT grumpy ol' Phil. Thanks a lot Phil, just had to be different. Just so you know, no one's really believing you, because any idiot can see that we've been having an unusually warm winter this year.

But back to the tradition, and to the art of creating and keeping traditions to remind us we need some silliness in our lives. The groundhog tradition, which apparently stems from an old German superstition, has been around for ages, beginning alledgedly in Pennsylvania with a couple of rather silly settlers. Phil lives in his burrow in Punxsytawney's Gobbler's Knob, (itself reason to chuckle), and has some good friends called the Groundhog Club's Inner Circle, who wear top hats, feed Phil, and organise his big event every year. They speak Groundhogese to Phil and translate what he says to the rest of us. Phil's done some other stuff in his day besides just the weather. He's travelled to DC to meet with Reagan, made threats during Prohibition that he would predict 60 more weeks of winter if he wasn't allowed a drink, and yes..has been on Oprah.

This tradition really is one of my personal favourites, along with the seventh-inning stretch in baseball. How can you not smile when the big morning news of the day is interviews with Phil and Chuck, (who frankly don't look that happy about being roused from their sleep, and who frankly can't even talk in the first place). How can you not smile when you read leading headlines like 'US Groundhog Sees Shadow'. And really, how can you not smile when you see the hundreds (yes hundreds) of people gathered to hear the prediction, many with groundhog stickers on their cheeks, and some even dressed as groundhogs.

A New York Times article described organisations latching on to Phil for some publicity - the National Environmental Trust said its human in a groundhog suit ''will ignore his shadow and will instead rely on global warming evidence to forecast an early spring'', while the American Physiological Society was offering experts to discuss ''What Punxsutawney Phil can teach us about surviving massive blood loss, preventing muscle atrophy, and more.''

According to the NYT article - "none of those things are really what Groundhog Day is about, said Mike Johnston, a member of the Groundhog Club's Inner Circle. Punxsutawney Phil is nonpolitical and can't speak anyway, Johnston said."

Hooray for silliness - just what we need to get through the winter!!

For more info on groundhog day and Phil, who's been predicting since 1886, see http://www.groundhog.org
For Wiarton Willy, also known as the famous albino groundhog see http://gocanada.about.com/library/weekly/aa012903a.htm

TIP: Doesn't Newark Sound Like New York?

I heard from two people recently that their travel agents dissuaded them from flying via Newark airport to New York. One was from Sydney and the other from Singapore. The agents said that since Newark was in another state - New Jersey - it would be much more difficult and take a long time to get to Manhattan.

This is completely daft.

Newark, hands down, is the better airport in the area for any self-respecting traveller, including those flying into New York. It's cleaner, brighter, has better signage, shorter lines and most importantly, nicer immigration people. And it takes about the same amount of time (and only a few bucks more by cab) to get into Manhattan as it does from JFK airport.

It also has a really nice train that goes straight to Manhattan's Penn Station. Once you arrive at the airport, take the AIRTRAIN (from any terminal) to the Newark Liberty Intl Airport TRAIN STATION. Get a ticket to NEW YORK PENN STATION on NJ TRANSIT. (Amtrak is also available but much more expensive). It's about 11 bucks one way. Once you're on the train, which is pretty comfortable, only thing to pay attention to is the fact that "Newark" can sound like "New York", and there is a "Newark Penn Station", which you shouldn't get off at. New York Penn Station is the last stop. The whole journey, including airtrain is about 30-40 minutes, and then you're right smack in the middle of Manhattan.

Oh, and of course, Newark is also great because the direct Singapore Airlines flight is based there - SQ obviously knows what it's doing.

2005 World Summit: Should We Care?

The largest gathering of world leaders in history just ended Friday at the UN in New York. After 3 days of endless photo ops, handshakes, strained smiles, of barricades, guard dogs and snipers on rooftops, of national dress and national flags, presidential convoys and black-tie galas, these leaders leave having put their names to something that they and their governments agreed to abide by. That something is the summit's 'outcome document', the subject of much heated debate, round-the-clock negotiations and diplomatic wrangling over the last few months.

After the initial (and protracted) brouhaha around the content and wording of the document, its final form was approved, by consensus (yes, that almost impossible UN process), just hours before the summit was due to start. Rumours about cancelling the whole event and the Secretary-General resigning in a huff were all quelled immediately. The NYPD and East Side New Yorkers cursed, while hotels sighed with relief - the presidential suites would still be filled.

We've all read the media reports, perhaps kept up with the finagling of certain countries and finally figured out just what the 'Millennium Development Goals' actually mean. But there is still a sense I feel, as with all large meetings and conferences really, that it's all a bunch of bull. Just a group of men (and a few women) sitting around nodding, clapping and making grandious statements that don't really mean much for you or me watching it on TV or reading it in the paper. True...but also not true.

Is there any reason to bother?

One can argue (and many will) that the document that everybody signed on to is just another piece of paper, doomed to join all the other bits of signed paper hidden in libraries and sealed filing cabinets around the world. But it isn't...ie, not if you let it. What the Summit outcome document contains are commitments, and thankfully, numerous concrete commitments, that mean that the signers and their governments can be held accountable. By whom? By citizens of countries and the international community. Because when you say you're going to do something, whether it's giving more money to fight poverty, or removing laws that discriminate, you give people negotiating room - room to remind, pressure, demand, through civic action, international pressure, governmental nudging, through letters, demonstrations, the media.

Here are some of the commitments made, that you can be sure people will be paying attention to:

- An additional 50 billion a year by 2010 to combat poverty: This isn't too much considering the trillion dollar economies of the world's richest countries, but still at least it's something. 8 million people die of poverty every year, any effort to reduce this helps.

- Clear condemnation of terrorism 'in all its forms and manifestations, committed by whomever, wherever and for whatever purposes' - this is the first time ever that all governments have agreed on this. What remains now is to negotiate a clear definition of terrorism so we can all finally start coordinating, together, on the best ways to deal with this.

- Clear acceptance by all governments of the collective international responsibility to protect populations from genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity, and the agreement to take timely and decisive collective action. This might sound like a given to many of us, but sadly it hasn't been - too many unclear definitions, lack of agreement on definitions, too many ifs and buts were what led to Kosovo and Rwanda. With the Abuja peacetalks underway on Darfur, we'll see if people now step up to the plate like they should have ages ago.

- Commitment to end pervasive gender discrimination, like inequalities in education and property ownership, violence against women and girls and an end to impunity for such violence. We really haven't evolved that much, when women are on average still paid (if they're lucky) 75% what men are paid for doing exactly the same job, when girls are gang raped in punishment for bad things that their fathers and brothers did, when sons beat up their own mothers for exposing more than just their eyes, when girls are aborted simply because they are girls, or married off to men 3 times their age in exchange for cash and a couple of donkeys. It's disgusting and sickening and wrong. And it casts an unfortunate shadow over all the great men out there, the fathers, brothers, boyfriends, husbands and sons who respect the women in their lives and treat them the way they want to be treated themselves...At the end of the day, it's not about men versus women, it's about everyone being treated equally, fairly, justly.

If you've made it this far on this blog, you're probably shaking your head pityingly and calling me an idealistic sucker. And maybe I am. But I think you need to be to stay sane. Without hope we are nothing.

PS - but just so you know that I'm not an out-of-control idealist and that I still try to maintain a healthy sense of cynicism to keep it real - check out what the UN Security Service issued to all staff last week...(needless to say, I left my meat cleaver and saber safely at home)

DIVISION OF SECURITY AND SAFETY SERVICE
SPECIAL SERVICES UNIT -
ITEMS THAT STAFF ARE NOT PERMITTED TO BRING ON UNITED NATIONS PREMISES

SHARP OBJECTS
Box Cutters
Ice Axes / Ice Picks
Knives (Pocket Knives with 3” blade or less excluded)
Meat Cleavers
Razor-type Blades
Sabers
Swords

SPORTING GOODS
Baseball bats
Bows and Arrows
Cricket Bats
Golf Clubs
Hockey Sticks
Lacrosse Sticks
Pool Cues
Spear Guns

GUNS AND FIREARMS
Ammunition
BB guns
Compressed Air Guns
Firearms
Flare Guns
Gun Lighters
Gun Powder
Parts of Guns and Firearms
Pellet Guns
Realistic Replicas of Firearms
Starter Pistols

TOOLS
Axes and Hatchets
Cattle Prods
Crowbars
Hammers
Drills
Saws
Screwdrivers
Tools
Wrenches and Pliers

MARTIAL ARTS / SELF DEFENSE ITEMS
Billy Clubs
Black Jacks
Brass Knuckles
Kubatons
Mace
Martial Arts Weapons
Night Sticks
Nunchakus
Stun Guns
Throwing Stars

EXPLOSIVE MATERIALS
Blasting Caps
Dynamite
Fireworks
Flares (in any form)
Hand Grenades
Plastic Explosives
Realistic Replicas of Explosives

FLAMMABLE ITEMS
Fuels
Gasoline
Gas Torches
Lighter Fluid
Turpentine and Pint Thinner
Realistic Replicas of Incendiaries

DISABLING CHEMICALS AND OTHER DANGEREOUS ITEMS
Chlorine for Pools and Spas
Compressed Gas Cylinders
Liquid Bleach
Spill-able Batteries
Spray Paint
Tear Gas

Check it Out: Irritation Art

So I was trudging to work the other day on my usual subway route which requires, at one point, a walk through a long tunnel at the Times Square station that connects 8th Ave to 7th Ave. It was a regular Thursday, except for the hangover I really didn't need - I had unwisely thrown all 'school night' caution to the wind this particular week, not sure exactly why.

Anyway, so the Times Square tunnel isn't really that different from any other subway tunnel... except for one thing. As you're walking along from 8th to 7th if you chance to look up every 5 steps or so, you'll be hit by a series of little, seemingly innocuous phrases.. black letters on a white background, much like a street sign. Now, I see these phrase-signs every bloody day, and although I'm usually a little irked each time I read them, today, with my head throbbing and my insides churning, I suddenly realised the full extent of their meaning, and what they were really intended to be. IRRITATION ART. Plain and simple. And sadistic and cantankerous and mean. A visual installation with the sole aim of really annoying anyone who engages with it.

In this case, the 'art' in question is a series of signs that make up a whole poem, and it goes like this

Overslept,
So tired,
If late,
Get fired.
Why bother?
Why the pain?
Go home,
Do it again.

Thanks. A lot. So check it out. Just not on your way to work, with a hangover.

TRY: Game, Set, Match!!

To the untrained eye this photo might look like two ants on blue rectangular cardboard. Don't think sooo. It's James Blake versus Rafael Nadal at the US Open baby. That's right. Uh-huh. Leighbel..in Arthur Ashe.. upclose and personal (doing the 'churn the butter' move as I write).

This match was the highlight of last Saturday's matches. NY-born Jimmy Blake, unassuming and a real cutie, was clearly the crowd's favourite. After surviving a painful series of mishaps over the last 2 years - broken neck, dad's death from cancer, and paralysis to his face, Jimmy was back in the game this year and the crowd was grateful. And let's not downplay Nadal - fashion forward (note 'capris'), arms of steel (my pals Norman, Alex and I just could not stop staring I swear), and well..also world no.2 as it happens - he was totally amazing to watch.

There were lots of back-over-the-shoulder moves and split-second returns from one end of the court to the other. All in all a fast-paced, edge of your seat experience (couldn't even go to the bathroom until it was over in case I might miss something). When Blake won, understandably, everyone went nuts. Gone were your typically subdued tennis watching types. People were standing in their seats yelling and jumping up and down. It was all the better because both players were so gracious - no silly tantrums, racket throwing or yelling at the ump, just good solid competition. Both are now out, but hey, they'll be back next year.

TIP - the US Open really is one of the highlights of living in New York. It's not difficult to get tix, it isn't only for the snobby, and it's in early September which is a beautiful time of year. If you are in NY at the time and want to check it out, go to www.usopen.org. Get tickets for the earlier matches, because then you get to see some of the best players battle it out on the open courts, which are small and will get you an upclose view. There are 2 stadiums in the complex - Arthur Ashe is the big one, and Louis Armstrong the smaller one - there are tickets that will get you access to the general courts as well as a reserved seat in one of the stadiums. The seeded players do tend to play in the stadiums, but as I said, often they also play on the smaller courts. If you like live sporting events as I do, you don't want to miss this.

ps - check out the sun-worshipper ball boy on the right of the photo...

Hurricane Katrina: How you can help

There are thousands of Americans stranded without clothing, food and other basic necessities, in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. My cousin and his wife were thankfully evacuated from New Orleans just in time. Thousands of others weren't as lucky. And a majority of these are poor, elderly or disabled.

The disaster was compounded by the inability, incapacity, or as many claim, the sheer incompetence of the emergency management authorities to deal with the situation. Disaster, in a twisted way, is a great leveler - a reminder that no country in the world, no matter how powerful, exists without poverty and can exist without friends.

For all that Americans have done for the rest of the world time and time again during crisis, now is the time to give back.

To help:

Red Cross: 1-800-HELP-NOW or www.redcross.org

AmeriCares:americares.org

Black America Web Relief Fund: blackamericaweb.comSupport to families who are assisting those displaced by the hurricane.

National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster: www.nvoad.org

Ms. Foundation: www.ms.foundation.org

See the NY Times online as well for a list of places to find more information and send relief donations.

Related articles:

UN mobilises inter-agency teams to help US recover from Hurricane Katrina - http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=15683&Cr=Katrina&Cr1=UN

US accepts UN offer to rush aid to victims of Hurricane Katrina - http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=15674&Cr=Katrina&Cr1=

Asian countries offer US hurricane aid (AP) - http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/international/AP-Katrina-World.html

TIP: Its a disease I swear...

It is. I'm talking about shopping. You know what I mean. Its contagious, chronic, painful. And maybe its not airborne, but its certainly eye-borne - "see it gotta have it, hold it gotta own it". Why is it that 352 black tops aren't enough, you gotta have 353? How is it that a return plane ticket from North America to Europe equals a pair of you-know-who's stilettos?

For all of us 'invalids', here are some suggested ways to convalesce in NY city. (and since today kicks off tax-free shopping week I guess its only fitting no?)

Sample Sales - This isn't one of New York's best kept secrets anymore. Thanks to websites like dailycandy.com, topbutton.com and others, you can figure out just when to be in the right place at the right time to get that 90% discount on designer duds. And these are not seconds or overruns or damaged goods - these are usually sold in the middle of a season (when stuff is sometimes even still in retail stores) as companies need lead time to prepare for the next season's stock. A lot of designers in recent years have also taken to having public sample sales (ie ones that aren't reserved only for their staff and preferred customers) - Timeout lists these every week so check the magazine religiously. Oh, and just a hint..if it says sale starts at 8am, you want to be there, IN LINE, at 7.

Century 21 (Cortlandt St, opposite Ground Zero) - As discount places go this seems to be the perennial tourist favourite. I really don't know why. It has a pretty decent men's dept, but honestly the women's stuff is pretty dismal. And you have to rummage and elbow-wrestle and pray that the one nice skirt you found under the purple pants, green jeans, child's t-shirt and black knickers is at least in the vicinity of your size. The shoe section is huge, but don't expect many deep designer discounts. But as I said, it does have good discounts on menswear, and if you go at lunch time on a weekday, a pretty good selection also of some tasty Wall Street eye candy.

Loehmann's (7th Ave and 16th St, www.loehmanns.com) - Ok, now we're talking. To me, this is the place to go for decent fashion at decent prices. Mainstream designers, newish designers, they have a good mix of it all. The prices will astound you. Great shoe dept - they often have Kate Spade shoes at 50% off for eg.

Designer Shoe Warehouse and Filene's Basement - DSW has row upon row of shoes, and you'll really be surprised at what you can find, and discounts are really quite decent. Filene's Basement is a little like Century 21, but if you're willing to rummage there's gold to be had. These two stores are next to each other at Union Square for some back to back shopping.

Nolita, Soho (take the 6 to Spring St, or the N,R to Prince St) - If you only have a little time in NY, don't waste it going to a dept store like Macy's or Bloomingdales, you'll only find things you can get back home. Try the Nolita and Soho shopping areas. Loads of shops (highstreet, urban street, new and old designers), and much more fun to walk around. The shops in Nolita aren't the cheapest, but you'll definitely find stuff that's unique and interesting. Same goes for Soho although you can always get a reality check in Old Navy, H&M and Banana Republic if necessary. And if you're thirsty, you can always go to Cafe Gitane (Mott and Prince), my favouritest cafe in the world, or the Kitchen Club nearby, my second favouritest cafe in the world.

Vintage - Gorgeous unwanted other-people's clothing can be found all over the city. The East Village is crawling with vintage clothing shops, some crap and some with real quality stuff tucked in the back. Try the weekend flea markets as well - eg. Upper West Side, Sundays, 79th and Columbus. And a few times a year, Manhattan Vintage holds its gigantic shows in an exhibition space - see www.manhattanvintage.com - if you're into interesting outfits that are in great condition, you have to check this out.

Fire Hydrants - Helping Sweaty People Cool Off for Years

Its summer in New York, and its BLOODY HOT. And sticky, and sweaty and smelly. You'd think I'd be used to it having grown up in Singapore. But nope, its quite different. Singapore is one big air-conditioner. New York...not so much. Walking around in August is a bit like having 10 people blast you all over with hot-air hair dryers. At full blast.

But enough of the complaining...I know I'll be wishing it was just like this once it goes down to sub-zero in the winter.

This is a typical summer scene. I know, I know, its a terrible waste of water. But it'll still make you smile when you see it because everyone's having such a damn good time and you know you're going to do a quick dash in and out yourself. And you can't hear it, but there's some pumpin' salsa coming out of that car the woman's sitting on too.

TIP: Round, round, get around, I get around...

A few tips about getting around Manhattan on the subway and bus system:

1. Plan ahead - The main subway/bus website is http://www.mta.nyc.ny.us/. It's not a bad idea if you have internet access, to check the site just before you go out to see which trains are running on different tracks, not running at all, etc. For a subway map, see http://www.mta.nyc.ny.us/nyct/maps/submap.htm

2. Whadhesay? - Another reason to check the website...completely unintelligible conductor announcements. One minute you're at Times Square and the next you're in Brooklyn. Thankfully, there'll be at least 3 people at any one time in your subway car cursing and swearing at the conductor and asking each other what he/she just said - join in...someone's bound to figure it out. Hopefully before you end up in Brooklyn.

3. Local vs express - Local does NOT mean 'native/from around here' - it means the train will stop at every stop. Express trains skip stops. If you're not sure where you're going, stay local. Otherwise..yup... Brooklyn.

4. No cash - You can use cash on the subway, but the best thing to do is buy an unlimited 7-day subway card (metro card) in the station, which you can also use on the buses. Buy the card from the vending machine with a credit card or dollar bills - the bigger your bill though the more change you're going to get...in COINS. After you slide your card through the turnstile, look for the small green word 'GO', and really GO! If you dilly-dally pushing through the barrier, it might lock quickly and you won't be able to swipe your unlimited card again. On the bus, you can only use coins..and sometimes for inexplicable reasons, the coin box is closed up, leaving you with no other options but a metro card or a sweet and hopeful smile at the bus driver.

5. 1,9,2,3,4,5,6,A,C,N,R,Q...- When someone says take the '1,9' or the '2,3' it doesn't mean the subway is no 19 or no 23. It means take the 1 OR 9 trains (which both run local) or the 2 OR 3 trains (which both run express). In mid-Manhattan, the 1,9 and the 2,3 basically run through all the same stops. Its only as you go much further uptown or downtown that the 2 will go a different route from the 3 for example. Same with other train lines eg the green line: the 4,5 (express) and the 6 (local), or the blue line: A (express), and the C,E (local). You get the idea, no? [Newsflash - they just took the 9 away, so its only the 1 train that runs local now. But I'm leaving the example in anyway!]

6. The bus - Buses are a great way to check out NY if you're on holiday and have the time. Repeat, 'if you're on holiday and have the time'. There are 'limited' buses, which basically mean express - I still haven't figured out why they can't just call them express to be consistent with the subway - but by and large buses stop every 2 blocks or so....One time I challenged a bus, and won...WALKING. Anyway, if you're not in a hurry it doesn't matter - they're comfortable, not as smelly as the subway and have great air-con. Plus you can use your unlimited metrocard too.

7. Some etiquette - Unlike in Singapore where everyone rushes to cram into the MRT trains without letting people get out first, the unwritten rule in NY is that you let the people OUT FIRST, before you get IN. There aren't any special lines drawn on the floor to remind people to do this, like they have in Singapore, so thought I would add this point. Oh, and to save you also from being yelled at by some MTA conductors.

Probably the best tip I can give you is DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK. Seriously. People are generally very helpful. Wrong sometimes, but still helpful. And nice too. I've been offered a seat many times despite me not being pregnant, elderly or juggling a small child and bags. Always makes my day.

Singaporeans Spotted Posing Next to Piles of Rubbish!!

"My pile is bigger than yours" - Terry


Lady and the Trash - Debs

TRY : Mee Pok Man

You've only been away for 5 days and already its starting....

You just can't concentrate anymore on menus that offer 8-ounce burgers with home fries, macaroni and cheese, corned beef hash and flapjacks...your eyes glaze over as sandwiches and salads merge into a meaningless, shapeless glomp of green lettuce. The little nagging sensation deep down in your belly has given way to steady desperation...your taste buds are giving up, your appetite has left the building, suddenly you can't think about anything else except.....chili....CHILI!!!!!

Let's face it. We've all been there. You can take the Singaporean out of Asia, but you can't take Asia out of the Singaporean. Red cut, green cut, with soya souce, without soya sauce, flakes, powder, sambal belachan, assam pedas, those scary hot small Thai ones, the sweet one just for chicken rice...we just can't live without chili. And obviously by the same token, without what us Singaporeans fondly refer to as 'local' food*.

Thankfully, New York is one city where you won't need those just-in-case packets of Maggi mee and chili powder you put in your suitcase. This true melting pot has everything, you name it. Ok, maybe not EVERY thing, I still can't find decent popiah, char kway teow (not penang style), and chili crab...but let's not dwell on what I haven't been able to find, and concentrate on what I (and my other kaki* here) have found instead:

Fishball mee/mee pok - New Chao Chow (Mott St between Hester and Canal Sts). Ask for the fishball noodles, and they understand 'dry' if you want it dry. They have thin noodles as well as the more wavy mee pok type. Add the red chili sauce and the green cut chilis and its all pretty authentic.

Xia Long Pau - New Green Bo (Bayard St between Elizabeth and Mott Sts). Shanghainese style dumplings that are just bursting with juicy pork or crab filling - served with vinegar and ginger.

Prata/Roti Canai - This is generally quite yummy in most of the Malaysian restaurants around the city, but we like Singapore Cafe (69 Mott St) and New Malaysia Cafe (48 Bowery). The chicken curry that comes with is pretty good too.

All-round good 'local' food - Check out Penang in Soho, (Spring St between Greene and Mercer Sts). Their roti canai is good, as is their mee goreng (indian style), penang char kway teow and nasi lemak. And you have to order their peanut pancake for dessert - this is basically prata with a peanut paste in the middle, lightly fried. DELICIOUS! Why don't they have this back home? Introduce yourself to Ban the owner (a real Penang boy) to make sure the cooks don't tone down the chili (as they generally do for the Western palate). Belachan is also available here if you ask nicely.

Spicy Szechuan - Grand Sichuan, (St Marks Place, East Village)
Great handmade noodles with minced meat, very good fish dishes too. Everything is pretty spicy, which we like. And surprisingly cheap too.

* 'local' = typically Singaporean; 'kaki' = group of good friends (also means 'leg' in Malay)

TIP : yo b**ch make me a sandwich!

My best friend Pam and her boyfriend Terry came to visit me recently. Both had been to NY before, but this time I wanted them to get under the skin of the city, see what it was really like to live here minus the Empire State building, the Statue of Liberty and the broadway shows. So I made them a form to fill out, with tasks to complete and some 'games' to play. I called it 'New York Navigation for the Non-Tourist'.

Here's an example of a task:

"Buy a sandwich at a deli – must do this at lunchtime and preferably in mid-town (ie 30s-50s streets) [Tip: good luck if you don’t know what you want…] Describe your experience here -..."

So one afternoon, Pam and Terry go to some deli (for those who've never been to NY, delis are typically places to get a quick lunch - choose-your-own filling sandwiches, coffee, munchies, cigs, etc. They're also places that have a million people at lunch time). So Pam and Terry go to a random deli in mid-town (guaranteed lots of business-y people in a hurry) to grab a bite. Bearing in mind the tip I gave them (how helpful am I?) Pam goes up to one of several counters to see what she wants in her sandwich. Trouble is, there are a million things you can put in your sandwich. There's also a queue and...well, you'd better know exactly what you want if you're in it..or you'll be told to STEP ASIDE. Loudly. By the server AND by everyone else around you.

Before she can blink, Pam's number is up - the server is yelling 'NEEXXXTTTT??' right in her face. Not knowing what the hell to have (egg, cheese, ham, pastrami, mushrooms, daffodils, whatever) Pam takes the plunge, points at something that could be tuna, turkey or boiled brain, and politely asks what it is. The server's reply - .."sjhiairefncbrbvt". At this point there is already a low rumble growing in the queue and she can feel the impatience swelling like a giant thought-bubble behind her...a bubble about to burst in her face...

So she panics, shouts "OK, I'LL TAKE IT!" and dashes forward, praying that it was actually tuna that she ordered and not mashed armpit scrapings. Meanwhile Terry who's right behind her is freaking out and yelling, "Whadjyouget? Pam? Is it seafood? WHADJYOUGET?? Hah? Seafood?? WHAT? Help! Oh no, its my turn, SHIT!!.." (note: Terry is severely allergic to shellfish)

Pam, who at this point is only interested in paying up and getting out as fast as she can, yells back sympathetically "I donno!! I really donno!!DAMN STRESS MAN!! FEND FOR YOURSELF!!"

Thankfully, this story has a happy ending.

The sjhiairefncbrbvt turned out to be chicken for both of them and hours of rolling around laughing my ass off for me.

Leighzy Pages Tip of the Day: if you go to a New York deli at lunch time know what you want in advance. There is no time, I repeat, no time to hem and haw over the egg mayonnaise versus the turkey breast with pickles. don say i never tell you ah.

*for Americans: Queue=Line